Effort.

I want to be a good person. I'm realizing now that I haven't been the best in the past. I wasn't really all that comfortable with myself, so I didn't make the effort to make others feel comfortable. I realize that that's now how you should be. If you want to be a good friend, you have to put that effort in, otherwise you'll regret it in the long run, and you'll miss out on great friendships with great people. For those people who I haven't put enough effort in for - I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

There is someone.

'Tree Hill is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe its a lot like your world. Maybe its nothing like it. But if you look closer, you might see someone like you.

Someone trying to find their way.

Someone trying to find their place.

Someone trying to find their self.

Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by- but that feeling's a lie.

And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay.

Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear their music in the world- to remind us that it won't always be this way.

That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.'

-Lucas Scott

This is why I love this show.

Happiness.

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy. It's something people strive for in their day to day lives. Happiness is a matter of getting in tune with ultimate reality. Everyday I struggle with the feeling of happiness. Why, might you ask? I don't know. I'm only 16, almost 17 - And I do realize that I have my whole life ahead of me - and I will experience different things in my future, but as of right now, I resent every day. I'm always stressed. Whether about schoolwork or my relationships with people. As I'm experiencing the 'teenage life', I'm beginning to understand what I do and what I don't want to be involved in. I don't understand why teenagers do stupid things, and it's not that I judge people for it, I just don't understand the point of it. Honestly, I don't understand the point of anything. I'm struggling with the idea of life, and why God created this. But that's a whole different topic in itself. Back to happiness- The idea of love sounds so fantastic. Finding the love of your life makes everyone happy. It's someone who you can love, and that person loves you back. What could be better than that? At 16, I haven't experienced one ounce of this. Well I shouldn't say that. This year, I started to really like a guy. He made me feel happy, and I looked forward to talking to him everyday, and I fantasized about what could be. Then, my friend started to go for him, and I decided that the right thing to do would be to back off. Maybe I should have fought for what I wanted, but I didn't want to get into a fight over a guy. Now, in my senior year, I have never felt anything close to love, and I feel as if something is wrong with me? I know, i know. I should feel happy by myself and content with what I have now. But I'm not. Even with friends, I feel like I have none. I have aquaintances. People I hang out with, but nobody really seems to be similar to me and understand me. This morning in church, there was a quote that went up on the screen:

A great obstacle to happiness is to expect too much happiness.
-- Bernard de Fontenelle

I expect too much. I want everything - a boyfriend, best friends, etc. It's a terrible state of mind to have - wanting and wanting, and thinking nothing is good enough. I hate when girls always say that they want or need a boyfriend. But sometimes that's how I feel. I look around at the people in my life. The one's that are the most happy are the ones that have a significant other. Sometimes this makes me feel really depressed, but recently I've realized that's a terrible way to look at life. Looking and being sad about what you don't have is stupid. I'm expecting too much, and if I keep thinking like that - I'll never be happy.

About me :)

I'm Christine :). I'm 16 years old, 17 in a week. I'm currently in Grade 12 at a Christian High school. I'm not really that great at anything. I've tried everything - guitar, piano, basketball, soccer, you name it. I quit almost everything when I was younger, and I regret it. I suppose I could take some of it up again, but right now I'm focusing on my future. I try to get decent grades, and plan to go onto university in the fall. I'm not quite sure what I want to go into- I keep switching back and forth between radiology and accounting. We'll see what happens with acceptances and such. I'm the quiet type. It's not that I'm shy - although I can be. As much as I don't want to admit it - I care way too much about what people think. It's not really that I'm self conscious, it's just that I - well I really don't know. It's just not my personality to act silly and obnoxious 24/7. Usually, I let people come to me, but recently I've come to realize that I need to show my feelings more, so I've been trying to be more outgoing. I hate technology. Well, not technology itself, but how people use it. I hate that people talk over the internet and over texts and don't converse in person. But I suppose it's just the beginning of what's to come in the future. I better get used to it. My dream is to travel. Pretty much just to New Zealand or Australia. I plan to do a semester overseas there. I don't know why I want to so badly, I'm just so interested and intrigued by those countries. I like music. I pretty much listen to anything, it just depends on my mood. I watch WAY too much TV. I just like watching shows that take me to another world - shows that let me experience something that I wish I had. Because of this, I also like to read. But who has the time with school and such? Once I read a book, that's all I can think about, and can't focus on anything but that storyline. I love my family. My mom's pretty much the closest friend I have. I call myself a Christian, but I'm not that close with God. I'm realizing now that that's what is most important in life, and we're slowly becoming less distant.

Let's begin.

This blog will be mainly for venting purposes. I hope that it will be somewhat therapeutic for me? Might not be, and be a major fail- but oh well. I realize that I suck at writing, but I hope that by doing this I will become more skilled. SO ENJOY.